1 hurdle overcomed.
there is this lull. i think it's the disbelief that i had passed. and the realisation that i need to start preparing for the clinicals. the empty steam engine that hadn't had time to refuel before it has to chug on along again. so i'm in denial. still. by now, i've heard it all, 'THE CLINICAL EXAM IS WORSE THAN THE WRITTEN!'
so today i adamently rejected medicine, i think, in my subconscious fashion. refused to do anything clinical. refused to go to my tutorial. not sure why i won't budge. but just refused.
after a period of contemplation, i think i've come down to the root of it. i hate clinical medicine. it's always the academic side of things that fascinate me. i hate being put through this process where i get gruelled and criticised and whipped into shape to be ready for this clinical exam. i hate having to think about topics that i've got no interest in, but have to be apt in them because they are 'common' or 'important' topics.
pulled out small bits of medicine that i used to be interested in. that neurology video w Prof on it examining that LMN pattern in the upper limb. oh yes. i am still interested in that. looked at dr wikipedia and found about tetany and botulinism. oh. there are still bits of medicine that i'm interested in. it might not be that particular murmur or that particular splenomegaly or that rheumatoid hands.
but this is the process that i've to go through before i can just focus on one aspect of medicine. it can be interesting. it can be fun. but it'll also be hard and painful. hopefully when i'm in the pits of my agony of exam preparation, i'll remember this moment of aspiration and hold on to it and allow me to be able to do the next part.